How To Survive Office Warfare

Wrong Questions

2011-09-13T12:48:00.017+10:00

How to identify a Wrong Question and how to make it right?

Questions are an intrinsic part of human interaction and aren't going anywhere. To be more effective in our communication with other sentient meat sacks, it is important to understand that there are worse things than wrong answers, there are also wrong questions. I'm not just talking about asking the wrong question or asking the wrong person, I truly mean that the question being asked is, at its core; wrong, skewed, incomprehensible, has faulty assumptions or is worded in a way to garner an expected response rather than an informed decision or authority. In this article I may get bored with writing the words Wrong Question so I might shorten it to WQ. I hope that's OK.

Most questions such as "would you like fries with that?" are simple, easy and expected, but others can require more back story and possibly a degree in psychiatry to answer. A perfect example of the latter is "What did I do last night and why is there a tiger in the bathroom?". At first glance this question sounds like the punch line to a joke, until you realise there really is a tiger in the bathroom. Before we delve into the giant feline in the room, let's break down what a question is.

What is a question?
There are a number of accepted definitions, but the one I am working with today is: A sentence in an interrogative form addressed to someone in order to get information in reply. This completely disregards rhetorical questions and sarcasm, but basically holds up for instances where you're not trying to be a bastard. Surprisingly a good question should be completely devoid of the word "why".

"Why" is a dirty word and a crooked letter
For me the word "Why" conjures up an image of a two year old attempting to understand, but basically just being an annoying little git. When used at the start of a sentence "Why" is quite confrontational and, more often than not, will result in the answer starting with "because". Rather than explanation you will get justification, Take a minute to think, which would you prefer;

A) Why did you do it like that?

OR

B) Which process were you following for this?

Think about the human component when deciding on tone, body language and each individual's intrinsic need to feel valued. No one wants to answer a two year old who has had too much sugar and red food colouring. Where possible replace "Why" with How, What, Which and Where. This should help you get information rather than apprehension.

Before asking a question you must consider three things:

What information am I hoping to get out of this? There is no point in asking a question if you have no objective or don't plan on using the information received in some way.

Can I get this information from another/ better source? Asking a MacDonald's employee about astrophysics might get you looked at funny or an extra pickle on your cheeseburger, but it's unlikely that your happy meal will help you understand what a neutron star tastes like. I believe it's something like a yellow chilli pepper covered in aluminium foil, I may be wrong.

Emotion changes everything. Care factor will definitely alter the state you are in when asking and will in turn change the position the person answering will take. "Did you take my pen" has a different meaning if it's a 30c Biro as opposed to a solid gold 1906 Montblanc fountain pen that your grandfather smuggled out of Germany during WWII. Make sure the passion fits the situation and the recipient understands why the question is important. Perhaps start with "have you seen my pen? It's kind of a big deal to me". Accusations can follow if the person starts looking sheepish.

Hunting for the right in a Wrong Question
While the responsibility for being understood falls to the person asking a question, you still need to play your part in divining reason behind their jumble of mismatched sounds and eyebrow movements. So, if after a little effort you have no freaking idea what the hell someone is asking, they are probably asking a Wrong Question. Don't feel bad, but also don't act on your frustration yet. It is almost never wrong for someone to ask a question even if it is essentially Wrong. Start by responding with something other than a single syllable "eh?" or "what?" and try to get an understanding of the fundamental "Why" behind their question. One way of doing this is by covering the following:

Topic. What is it all about? If they have a question about hamburgers but what they've actually asked is about pizza then it's possible they really want a cheeseburger pizza. It's a real thing. Horrible for your health but still tasty.

Importance and urgency. Will your answer avert an imminent alien invasion or just stop them from seeing a bad movie about an alien invasion? If it stops them from renting Battlefield Earth those two are probably about the same priority. If the answer is important but not urgent then it's most likely better for everyone if you take some time to answer. Perhaps answering after opening a bottle of wine and watching a movie, preferably not starring John Travolta in heavy makeup.

Relevance. How will they be using the information they want? Sometimes the information someone is looking for is better left out of their reach. Certain scenarios could end in disaster somewhat akin to teaching a 3 year old to drive, or giving your bank account details to a friendly Nigerian prince waiting for his inheritance. More relevant examples might involve answering questions they haven't asked or a need to provide more information than they asked for. Giving someone your phone number without telling them you accidentally flushed it down the toilet three weeks ago could end less than happily.

What now?
Now that you have read an overview of how I think humanity should go about gathering knowledge and understanding from other meat sacks, I hope you will think a little more and try a little harder when some muppet is standing in front of you, waving their hands around and asking why.

So, why don't you like this article?

Effective Leadership (AKA the BS I believe in)

2010-09-23T16:51:00.003+10:00

Yesterday I completed the first module in a rather interesting leadership course. Enrolled in the course was thrust upon me when someone pulled out at the last minute. Orientation information was available until 3pm the day before so preparations were a little hurried. I valiantly tried to get everything in shape for my absence and only failed early morning on time arrival by 10 minutes. Unfortunately 10 minutes is all it takes to be the last one in the room.... Lesson 1 learned the hard way.

I found many of the topics covered through the training quite relevant and most aligned perfectly with how I view the office and it's cheerful oddities. One of the sections that sparked a light in the grey matter I use to make my decisions was around Effective Leadership. Quotes from many successful and charismatic people adorn the now graffitied ringbound pages. Koans such as "Leadership is the mark of how you behave when no one is watching" and "Management is doing things right, Leadership is doing the right things" make me fizz with managerial pride (or perhaps the fizzing was the free milky chew candy available on each table).

When it came time for me to write my Leadership Creed I thought back over the regular sayings and odd one line comments I spew forth during meetings and in my day to day life and tried to nail them to the page using the array of supplied scented colouring pens. See below for what I came up with :

I will,

Help those around me to concentrate on excellent, do good and outsource terrible
Be an advocate for change like a leaf on the wind so all can watch me soar
Seek out windows of perfection and hold an optimistic light for all to see
Always repay a favour for any favour freely given
Show that relationships are a currency that can be spent more than once
Demonstrate that even when I can do nothing I can prove I have done something
See through the eyes of those around me and be the voice of those who have none

Simplified:

Help others become better
Change is an opportunity
Stay positive
Be generous
People are important
Communicate before failure
Interpret for others

Really simplified:

You :)
Change :)
Stay :)
Be :)
People :)
Talk before :(
You + Me = Us :)

I'd love to hear some more mottos, koans and other phrases to live by.

What is your time worth?

2010-09-23T12:47:00.008+10:00

A number of years ago I found myself feeling time poor. Rather than dwelling on the fact that time is a human invented construct used to measure the distance between 2 things that don't actually exist I decided to do something about it.

As with any problem I set about trying to work out what I was facing and where the root cause was coming from. My average week was spent helping friends, working unpaid overtime or generally saying yes to anything that came my way (usually something horribly boring). By the time anything I actually wanted to do came up I was generally too wiped out or so financially incontinent that I couldn't be bothered.

Here is how I introduced the word "No" into my life without losing my work ethic or becoming a soulless hose-beast with no friends . I started by trying to work out what my time was actually worth. The way I saw it by putting a dollar figure on my time I would have a tangible value that I could relate to and something I could compare anything in my life to. Other people I have shown this model to have used different currency such as cake or the love of their children but as I'm rather materialistic, not a father and I'm gluten intolerant, cold hard cash just felt like the logical choice.

Start with your daily wage, divide by the hours not spent working or sleeping (usually about 6) then multiply by the amount of time you will have to give up. Now ask yourself; Is it worth this much to me in expected reciprocation, happiness or guilt? The first time you try this you may feel you have seriously over valued your time. Trust me, you haven't. The average Australian wage is about $150 a day after tax. That means the average Australian's hourly "Time Value" is about $25/hr. So that would mean helping someone move house for a few hours is easily worth a carton of beer, a good laugh or a few days worth or nagging. Likewise going to see a terrible movie by yourself is likely to incur a significant time debt so why not call a friend or do something else?

TV = $/:)

As your career moves along and your free time decreases your Time Value will start getting a little ridiculous. When that happens it's important to remember that it doesn't matter that your number is different to someone else's as long as they are valuable to you.

J

P.S. Someone pointed out to me yesterday that we are given 86,400 seconds each day to do with as we please. How are you spending yours?

When spell check won't save you

2010-06-10T14:46:00.008+10:00

Today I thought I would cover one of my pet hates. The use of the wrong word because they both sound the same or it takes fewer letters to type one over the other. Spell check won't save you but this simple reference guide might.

Their: belongs to them
They're: truncation of "they are"
There: definition of location, action, etc
Here: definition of location, starting point, time, etc
Hear: to observe sound
To: joining word, used to define travel, etc
Too: in addition, excessive, etc
Two: the number 2
Bare: without covering, lifeless
Bear: an animal, to carry a load
Weather: atmospheric condition
Whether: decision making, introduction of 2 or more variables
Peace: calm / Quiet: minimal or no sound
Piece: a portion or part of something / Quite: Completely or to a large extent
Your: belonging to you
You're: truncation of you are
Its: belonging to it
It's: truncation of "it is" or "it has"

See below for an example of a rather terrible story about a night out (obviously fiction).

I went out tonight to see my friend. It was their birthday.
They're now officially old enough to drink.
It was in the pub over there.
I staggered from here to there.
I could hear terrible country music coming from the jukebox.
I went to the bar and ordered shots.
My mate ordered some too. We drank too much.
The two of us threw up.
I woke up on a bare mattress. I don't know what happened to the sheets.
I was cuddling my teddy bear. I can't bear to sleep without it.
The weather outside was cold and I was well and truly under the weather.
I tried to decide whether the room was or moving or not. I decided it was and I wasn't.
I could use some peace and quiet
My head hurt quite a lot like it had stabbed by a piece of glass

I left the door open and your mongrel dog ate my teddy bear.
You're going to replace it right?
I think it was hungry because its bowl is empty. That thing is going to visit the vet if it can't keep its paws to itself.
I don't care that it's lonely. It's only 9am and it's already been a long day.

End of terrible story.

Window of perfection

2010-06-07T16:06:00.009+10:00

It was my birthday on the weekend and a strange thing happened. Everything went exactly right. I'm not just saying that I just had a good time, I really do mean that everything went exactly to plan (or better) and not a single unexpected thing detracted from the evening.

Here are a few examples taken from my slightly hazy memory of the evening:

Guest list increased from 15 to 26 in the week leading up to the day
Of the 26 it was unclear how many were for dinner and who was meeting after so I booked for 20
Exactly 20 people arrived for the fabulous dinner
Everyone paid (how often does that happen?)
10 people were left for the second drinks venue. Exactly filling the waiting Maxi-Taxi
The club was packed but the perfect booth seating all 10 was found within metres of the bar
Taxi home was a Silver service Mercedes-Benz for the price of a regular yellow cab
Everyone pulled up well after bacon the next morning

I think it's important to look out for rare moments in life like these as pretty much everything we attempt has some sort of associated risk. I attribute much of the success of evening to forward planning and a great group of people that were all ready to adapt to change.

My tips for planning ahead:

Break it into phases
Set loose goals not definite plans
Add alternatives to minimise risk
Consult and communicate
Have fun with it

This can be applied to the workplace or home life. By breaking an activity into pieces the plan becomes more manageable. Setting loosely defined plans rather than a strict schedule allows the people involved to make changes without feeling tied down or unduly pressured.

Alternatives or contingency plans to put in place could be as simple as having the cash for a taxi if your designated driver is unavailable or saving your presentation onto a DVD in case the network is unavailable. Once you have the outline let others check your plan and provide feedback. Make whatever alterations you like then communicate as the working plan. Other changes will probably come but by communicating early you will likely get more interest or support.

Lastly don't forget to acknowledge everyone that made it possible.

------------------

Thought for the day : A schedule is just a another name for a bunch of things on a list with times when you really hope they won't go horribly wrong.

Coffee and cigarettes

2010-06-04T11:34:00.010+10:00

When I leave the office to get my morning coffee each day I usually walk past the designated smoking section. I personally don't smoke but I understand the social effect that being forced to crowd in a small space does to a group of people that work together. Talk.

Conversation is easy and no topic is out of bounds. Grievances, successes, minor issues with workload, process failures and rumours of impending changes are all discussed and shared with the group. This forum in the clean air outside allows a certain honesty or candor that is often missing when under the bright florescent lighting inside.

It dawned on me that practically every day when I stop to have a chat with whoever is there I learn something new. This simple act of stopping for a few moments has shed light on different aspects of the workplace that until then were as foreign to me as the word "budget". Occasionally I am able to offer my perspective or point someone in a different direction and at rare times give a nugget of perfect clarity that removes a stumbling block they didn't even realise was there. This same effect can be found with any experience outside the 4 walls of the office cubicle. Group lunches, coffee runs and after work drinks are all perfect opportunities to network and learn more about the people and issues that surround us.

As with everything there are always potential issues and dangers to consider. It is important to remember that just because a conversation or action happens outside the workplace does not mean that what ever code of conduct policy your organisation lives by does not apply. Rumours can cause stress, comments can be taken out of context and some available information may have been kept confidential for reasons unknown to the group. My advice is to always to consider not only your immediate audience but all of those that could be affected.

Thought for the day: Coffee is like glue and grease for building relationships. It binds us together with a common love, is a legal social lubricant and there is always an alternative for those who are not caffeine junkies. The coffee break has been saving our sanity since the blessed bean was discovered in the 9th century.

People to know and people to hide from

2010-06-03T16:22:00.010+10:00

Within every organisation there are people that can make your life easy or extremely painful. It is a good idea to identify these people early and make an effort to be known or make sure to never incur their wrath. This doesn't usually require much more than a simple hello or kind word in the right place but to be on the safe side follow these simple rules:

Everything is better with a smile.
Load balance - don't harass a single member if there are other options.
Every favour owes a favour.
Non work related visits strengthen a relationship. A visit that lasts too long can break it.

Key people in your organisation may include:

Security guards - Greet the security guards when entering or exiting the building. If your workplace uses swipe card access you may find yourself needing their assistance if you have lost your access card or have a visitor
Asset Management - The people who manage the computer fleet are great assets to have on your side.
IT Security - Those pesky forms
Personal Assistants - It's a little known fact that PAs rule the world. It is more than likely that anything that requires a manager's signature will be assessed or at very least passed by their PA. Know who these people are. There may be times when running something past them first will save embarrassment or will provide you with that key missing intel for tomorrow's business meeting.
Office equipment co-ordinator - Never know when you will need a new pen or stapler
The office Godfather / Mum - There is always a member of the office that is loved or feared by all. The last thing you want is a kiss of death from the social chair or office mother figure.

People to add to this list will become apparent. There are human resources that are invaluable in every workplace that may not have fancy job titles. Having solid professional relationships can give benefit for years to come and can often pay off when you least expect it. Imagine walking into an interview room and seeing two former collegues on the interview panel. How would you want to be remembered?

A final thought to take away - Pyramid Schemes work when no-one has to pay for the product. Sell yourself to the right people, make it easy and they will on sell without asking for payment.

Excellent, Good and Terrible

2010-06-03T14:43:00.006+10:00

During a recent meeting with a member of my team the topic of how to decide what work was valuable came up. After a few moments thought I decided on a new motto for the week: "Concentrate on excellent, do good and outsource terrible". It didn't really answer the original question but it did open up a great dialogue about what work the individual should concentrate on to provide the best value to themselves and the company as a whole.

The principle of Excellent, Good and Terrible (EGT) highlights a way to make best use of your talents.

What you do with excellent results should be expanded
Whatever is already good but cannot be made excellent should continue
If there is a terrible that can not be made good something needs to change

Outsourcing terrible is not always an easy thing to do. Bringing the idea of your "terribleness" to your manager's attention may seem like a dance with disaster but if done properly it could result in a significantly enjoyable change to your workload. It's part of your manager's role to have a basic idea of each team member's strengths and weaknesses so it's likely they already know but by highlighting your desire for change they may actually do something about it. It may just happen that one of your colleagues is in the same position but with the opposite EGT.

Here is an excercise to identify your EGT:

Take a blank piece of paper or an Excel spreadsheet.
Separate it into three vertical columns (E, G and T).
Start with Excellent and write all of the things that you as a person routinely exceed expectations in (this includes non work related activities).
Now do the same for what you consider good.
For terrible only list the things that you find particularly horrific.

This is now your EGT list. Work towards moving everything to the left so when all you are seen to do is good or excellent your next pay rise review can only be positive.

Intro

2010-06-03T10:25:00.002+10:00

For the last 11 years I have been working in various customer service, IT support and management roles. This time has at times presented a perspective that while not necessarily unique has provided an occasional insight into the gears and human mechanisms that operate beneath the common workplace.

I have created this blog to share my thoughts and experiences on surviving and succeeding in your chosen career path in spite of whatever impending doom or apocalyptic managerial battle is on the horizon. I intend that each article will cover a different aspect of the workplace with a comical but factual approach to anything from who to know in the organisation to how manage your manager.

Contrary to the blog's title I have no experience with the military other than working closely with a number of particularly regimented individuals. That said the workplace can be viewed as an ongoing conflict with unseen forces and issues such as:

Political maneuvering - Who is spreading rumours around the water cooler
Territorial disputes - Paperwork encroaching onto a neighbours desk can elicit an unexpected response
Weapons of mass destruction - Photographic evidence of certain lapses in judgement at the work Christmas party
Peace talks - Team meetings to discuss what happened at the Christmas party

I'm sure the list could go on but I'm sure you get the picture.